tired

why do people always take me for granted.

Everyone that i know as used me at least once
as their emotional punching bag.
taking all their problems out on me.

really do i look that tough?
well guess what people i'm not!

if anything i have way to many feelings
& i am way to sensitive.

uuuugh what the point of even writing this?


no one will ever see this anyway :/


uuugh fkkk my life!

MAALO<3

i had the most vivid dream ever.

it was really silly at first and it seemed like a dream but the ending was too real.

at first i was sitting in the bellflower a gym. on the floor tho in some chairs & brad pitt (i dont even think hes hot) came up to me and said take a picture so i did & so did the girl sitting next to me & i got up to walk away to sit in the bleachers & tyra banks stopped me & said giiirl thats no way to take pictures with a guy & i said okay? so she said come with me and a bunch of like modle dudes walked behind her & so did i & i lost them so as iw as walking down the bleachers i turned to my left & i seen Maalo.

(this is where it turned too real)

& i went and sat right behind him and he looked back at me and smiled and said hi. & i reached down & hugged him. and he held my hands in place & he put my right hand over his heart & hes said that he wasn't feeling good. & i said you will feel better soon i promise. & i sat there in the same position just holding him for like what seemed hours. & it all felt so real i felt him breathe & his heart pumping. it felt like it used to feel when we sat at assembly back in 7th grade & high school. It just all felt real. & then my mom was at the bottom of the stairs & said come down so i let go of Maalo & i went down. & she said i have to pick up Ryan come with me ( Ryan Reyes? yeah so weird cause Ive only spoken to him like twice in my life) & i said okay & she walked outside the gym & i followed but then i turned around and Maaol was right behind me & i asked him if he wanted to come with us & he said yes & then i said well ask my mom & i said where did she go & he said inside ill go get her & he gave me a hug first and walked back into the gym & my mom came back out and i waited for Maalo to come back out & then i realized that he wasn't going to walk out . & i swear to you guys my heart completely sank & i started crying so hard (in my dream) & then i suddenly woke up crying like balling my eyes out.

i guess in my dream i suddenly realized that he wasn't ever coming back & it was only a dream. thats why i woke up crying :(



i've never dreamed about him or anyone in that way :/
i wonder why i did tho.
i think maybe i haven't visited him since i moved back to Bellfower like 9 months now.
& i used to always go because he was like a small block away from me.
i wish i had an answer to the questions in my head :/

VIVID DREAMS SUCK BECAUSE YOU EVENTUALLY AWAKE & THEN YOUR BACK TO SUCKY REALITY :(







Melvin Feterika Jr. [Maalo, Mel]

3.19.87 - 10.18.07

Last Night.

Heist Night.
Didn't go.
Axle Broke.
Tow Truck Hell!
Chief some Blunt's.
Bong Hits.
& a bunch of drunk guy's.
need i say more?!!!
NOPE!

Yesteray was a good day :)

so it was a dope day.

i got to hang out with Gloria all day.

we went to look for paint.
& she found a nice purple/bluish color.
then we made Hemp bracelets.
well i did. well i tried. her and Sal just watched.
anyway after that we went up stairs and i watched her paint
ahahahha in my defense i was looking up comforters for her online.

then later on i seen David.
he makes me smile. funny guy.
i like, i like a lot.
nuff said yo.

i wish you ALL . . . .

shit happens.

so lately there has been deaths in my family
& a friend.
all with in a week.
& i wonder if god is trying to tell me something
or maybe he's not maybe its just LIFE.
but i still can't help but wonder.

all i know is i wish i was where they are now.
free from all the BULLSHiT life really is.
but i'm still here on this earth for a reason.
i just wish i already knew what it was.




on an other note.
i think my so called "best friend" is the moodiest
guy i have ever met.
& he better calm his ass down
cause i'm about to reach the point of NO fucking return.

no joke.
i'm starting to get tired of HIS fucking mood swings.

i don't need all this shit!



taking a step back YADDADAMEAN?!




+side = i'm reconnecting with old friends<3



life is okay but it could be better.

FKKKK!

sooooo

i just busted the biggest mission of my life & after this mish i dont wanna talk to anyone till friday when im over it cause lords knows im pissed & tired as fuck!!!!


fall asleep maybe 4 AM
get waken up about every 10 min because Steven keeps hitting me
& putting hands on my face or elbows in my face!!!!
finally get 100% woken up at about 5:50 AM...how?
i get pushed off the bed!!!

[if you know me than you KNOW i love my sleep!!! i can sleep for days & when people wake me up from my sleep i get sooo pisssed!!! only thing that makes me sooooooooo fkn mad]

i get mad call my sis & ask her to ask maxie pad to pick me up.
he said okay to give him 30 min.
i do
i decide to go outside & wait
so i lock the doors to Stevens house.

waited & waited & waited
i see lil thizz eat a bug and play with a bird in her mouth
that a hawk was trying to eat but the bird just fell from the tree
& lil thizz swooped on that shit!
[Steven look under the trailer the bird is still alive]

anywaaaaay so i wait & i wait & i wait
and like maybe 1 hr 30 min later i decide hes not coming
sooooooooo i know i cant go back in
cause im soooo pissed & just want to go home!!!
so i did the last thing i had planed.....

I WALKED!!

i fkkkn walked from Del Amo & Palo Verde to Rosecrans & Clark!
FUCKING MISHHHHHHH!!!!

if you know our area you know i walked a shiiiit load!
[map quest it about 6 miles....a little more it's like 6.74]


ANYWAY! that walk was intense!!!


i picked a shit load of flower
got hit on a bout a million times by dirty men.
got whistled at.
some two guys telling me to walk faster cause their trying to drink thei beer.
ROADKILL!
got blisters on my feet


& now im still soooo mad that im not even sleepy or tired
but tomorrow im gonna feel it!!!
&&& im gonna be even more mad!
& so i suggest everyone leave me alone
unless i talk to you.




the end.






















p.s Max don't trip baby boo i'm not mad at you.
you just couldn't wake up i still love ya :D

You stole a kiss and stole my heart
made me a fool right from the start
It wouldn’t have been so bad except
this little plan, it fell apart

If I were you
I’d dare not speak
I’d run like hell
In hopes of seein’ tomorrow

It’s such a travesty
the way you say our love should be
yeah, such a tragedy
think you can just break my heart and leave me
well you better run
Oh, man on the run
playin’ for fun
wind me up
leave me undone

It’s such a travesty
the way you say our love should be
yeah, such a tragedy
think you can just break my heart and leave me
well you better run
Oh, man on the run
playin’ for fun
wind me up
leave me undone

These lips are sealed, I’ll never speak
your name in loving memory
so don’t you try to make ammends
that’s what ya get for playin’ mean

If I were you
I’d dare not speak
I’d run like hell
In hopes of seein’ tomorrow

Ahhhh, break my heart and leave me
Man on the run

It’s such a travesty
the way you say our love should be
yeah, such a tragedy
think you can just break my heart and leave me
well you better run
Oh, man on the run
playin’ for fun
wind me up
leave me undone

♥